He says, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20
You know what used to scare me. Sitting in absolute silence and trying to figure out what in the world I’m doing here, on this earth, at this exact moment in time. I remember the first time this eerie presence found me I was in eighth grade at a sleep over and everyone was sleeping but me. I just stared up at the popcorn ceiling and watched my chest rise and fall. How can I see, how can I speak and move and breathe? Why am I here? I now know that my little girl mind fell upon existentialism, ‘a philosophical theory or approach that emphasizes the existence of the individual person as a free and responsible agent determining their own development through acts of the will.'
Most of us are too busy to actually just sit in complete silence. We like it that way. I am just a busy person. I pride myself on it, however I know it is one of my biggest weaknesses. Even when the busy day settles, the noise of our day and age is everywhere: cell phones, television, radio, social media, dvr’d shows, movies, books….. These distractions can limit us from our purpose, from our calling and from finding our relationship with our heavenly father or probably more accurately for me spending quality time with him every day.
In the past, whenever I would find myself in looming silence I would try to wrap my brain around how it is that I can speak, see and be capable of so much more: loving, anger, hate, fear, jealousy, joy… The silence can truly be deafening. The silence used to throw me into a bad place, where I was unsure of myself and my existence because it seemed that when I truly concentrated on what I was doing here my mind couldn’t understand it. It couldn’t comprehend it and would prefer to just get back to whatever it was I was busily doing. Have you ever felt that way?
Existentialism is maybe not something that we ever will be able to truly understand. But what I do know is that we determine our own fate through what we spend our time doing, through acts of our own will. Now when I find myself in this ear-ringing silence I hear God’s voice. Through his voice I am comforted. "My child I am yours and you are mine. Do not be afraid. Many don’t find the silence and many don’t find me. You are part of my plan."
Many don’t find the silence and many don’t find me. Those words will forever weigh on my heart. I know that God waits for me to spend time with him every day. I have good intentions to open my bible daily, but do I? No. I have good intentions to always be kind and courteous, but am I? No. The business and the noise that we have created is so limiting.
For it is in the silence that we find our savior. He is of course in the chaos too but he is louder in the silence. In the Bible Jesus would often leave His disciples (and the crowds that followed Him) to be alone to pray and talk to God. In the same way we must leave the noise of everything and invite the silence into our daily routine; knowing that God will find us there if we open our hearts to him.
Whatever your New Years resolution is I would invite you to join me in opening your Bible every day. Remember physical and spiritual wellness go together.